The .Plan

In 2005, Neil Strauss published a book entitled The Game: Penetrating the Secret Society of Pickup Artists in which he profiled Erik Von Markovik, also known as “Mystery”, apparently one of the most successful pickup artists in the world. Von Markovik went on to write his own book, How to Get Beautiful Women Into Bed: The Mystery Method. He now makes a living by helping men do exactly that.

These days, Von Markovik is getting press because he now has his own reality television show on VH1 entitled “The Pick-Up Artist“. Part “The Apprentice”, part “America’s Next Top Model”, and part “Survivor”, this television show follows 8 socially incapacitated men — including the requisite “45 year-old virgin” — who have been given the honor of participating in Von Markovik’s training program on how to pick up women. They are competing for the title of “Master Pickup Artist”.

The first two episodes of this show have been compelling enough to generate repeat viewings. There is just enough character development to make viewers wince when ‘Spoon’ (Stephen Poon) admits to the camera, “I’ve never failed… because I’ve never asked a woman out”. It’s big fun to watch Von Markovik (and his wingmen, ‘J Dog’ and ‘Matador’) teach their tried-and-true methods for bedding beautiful women. And, although the guys are competing against each other for the title of “Master Pickup Artist”, in contrast to many reality television programs these contestants seem to have developed genuine attachments to each other; they find solidarity in their collective ineptness when it comes to picking up women.

Yet, while watching scene after scene of failed pickups can be quite amusing, there is something off-color about what is going on. Something happened to me this weekend to illuminate the underbelly of this humor.

In his book How to Get Beautiful Women Into Bed: The Mystery Method, Von Markovik discusses one tactic known as “negging”. In a nutshell, the “neg” is a strategically placed comment that is more or less an insult targeted at a woman in conversation. It is designed to lower her self esteem and make her more vulnerable to the guy’s advances. This is how Von Markovik describes the “neg”:

A “neg” is a concept. A “neg” is a statement or action one would make to briefly disqualify oneself from being considered a potential suitor. It’s not an insult, I’m not putting the girl down. For instance, if I’m in a group of people and I say, perhaps to my girl of interest, “Hey, can you pass me that napkin, please? Thank you.” I go to blow my nose and I look at her and I say, “What, are you gonna watch?” She’ll laugh, of course, and I’ll blow my nose. I’m not insulting her by doing that but I am disqualifying myself as being considered a potential suitor. Her friends know I’m not after her — I’m blowing my nose in front of her!

Then the friends are disarmed and she’s gonna think to herself, “He’s not after me.” If she’s particularly beautiful, she’s gonna wonder why. The only solution to why is either that he’s gay, in which case he’s not threatening, or he’s so accustomed to beauty that he must have beauty in his life. So he must be pretty selective and a hard-wired attraction switch gets triggered.
–Tracy Clark-Flory, “The Artful Seducer”, Salon, August 6, 2007

This weekend at a former classmate’s wedding, I found myself in a situation in which I was interacting with a woman I had just met. At one point during the conversation, right before a photo, I asked her to check my teeth for any pieces of partially chewed vegetable playing peekabo among my incisors. At that instant, I found myself thinking, “hmmm. I guess that could be a ‘neg’” — even though such a maneuver was the farthest thing from my mind, and even though I had harbored not the slightest interest in scoring a ‘pickup’.

So maybe watching the show isn’t such a great idea.

Only several more years and I can qualify to be the 45 year-old on “The Pickup Artist: Bahama Escape!, Vol. 14″. Let us hope I make it that far.