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A timely article on the psychology of dealing with the wreckage of mistakes (or perceived mistakes):
“One thing I’ve learned is that kids are exquisitely attuned to the real message, and the real message is, ‘Be smart,’” Professor Dweck said. “It’s not, ‘We love it when you struggle, or when you learn and make mistakes.’”
As we get older, many of us invest a great deal in being right. When things go wrong, as they inevitably do, we focus on flagellating ourselves, blaming someone else or covering it up. Or we rationalize it by saying others make even more mistakes.
What we do not want to do, most of the time, is learn from the experience.
–Alina Tugend, “The Many Errors in Thinking About Mistakes”, New York Times, November 24, 2007
I think an appropriate follow-up article would describe the social psychological literature on interpersonal communication in this context. Once you yourself believe it, how do you convincingly say to The Other: “We love it when you struggle, or when you learn and make mistakes”?
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